night out

you know when you go to a party for a job you haven't been involved with in a year, and air kiss everyone when you don't remember their name, and make chitchat so you don't seem like you really don't care what they've been up to, and pretend to remember who they are when you have no idea, and then it's 2am and you go to another party and start drinking water to sober up, and get photographed in a low cut shirt by someone you don't know, and go to a random stranger's apartment to continue the party with five other people, and your really really hot friend (who is not single, by the way) starts making amorous moves, but your conscience remembers that he has a girlfriend who is not there, but out of town, way way out of town, but still... and the slightly skeevy French guy starts making everyone play Truth or Dare, and you remember that you are 32 years old, and way way removed from middle school, which is the last time you played that insipid game, and you really have no desire to play 'Seven Minutes in Heaven', so you leave, only to wait on Broadway and 28th street at 5am for an uncomfortably long time for a cab, trying to avoid eye contact with everyone around you and praying that no one thinks you're a hooker, and finally getting home around 5:30 and thanking Yahweh and all involved that you don't have to work tomorrow (today) and then getting bummed out because you have no work tomorrow (today) and deciding to say screw it all, I'm going to post, then go to bed, and remember all the club kids and drag queens and the whole scene from way back when, and marvel that some of them are still around, and curiously some of them look even younger now, and remember all that you've done in your past and how far you've really, really come in life, and hell, it's not over yet, but still....you wonder...

yep, you know.